I went to a class at the gym yesterday called Body Combat. I had no idea what I was in for, and so I went up to my little buddy that works at the front that I always exchange awkward words with to inquire about this class.
"Oh, it's just like Taebo kind of, you will be fine." Oh, Taebo? PSSSHHH, I got this LOCKED UP. I did Taebo with the Taebo master HIMSELF. Imma show these Bangor biddies how it's done West Coast style.
WRONG, Jess. So wrong.
(Side note: when I say that the front desk guy and I have awkward encounters, I mean literally everytime I see him, I do/say something awkward. The other day I walked in and he said, "Hey!" and I said, "Hey, how are you?" and he responded, "Good, how are you?" and then like an idiot, I said, "Good, how are you?" Then was like wait, wtf. I already asked him how he was!! IDIOT!!! So I tried to make up for it with a joke by being like, "HOW ARE YOU HOW ARE YOU HOW ARE YOU?!" and he said "good good good!" and laughed. And I walked away smacking myself.)
So anyways, back to this Body Combat class.
I decided to take my usual spot in the back corner, away from the scrutiny and the glass window upstairs that allows everyone else in the gym to see you fumbling around like a caged gorilla. Also, away from the mirrors. There are mirrors everywhere though, which is the problem.
When I managed to avoid looking at my reflection, I felt like Michelle Rodriguez knocking around some 200 lb man. (At one point we were literally pretending to hold someone down on the ground and beat their face). I was totally winning the fight, and praising myself in my head, like "YEAH GIRL, GET HIM. Don't take that! Double jab and cross jab that biatch! Watch him cry like a little girl!!!" I'm fully picturing myself in a boxing ring with some badass cornrows beating on some fool.
Until I caught a glimpse in the mirrors of what I actually looked like:
Needless to say, I didn't kick anyone's ass. But body combat totally destroyed mine. I woke up this morning and felt like I had taken a blow from Thor's hammer. I couldn't move, so I just didn't. There goes my dream of being a CIA assassin.
